this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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