Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
