gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
