you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
