Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
