I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
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