my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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