I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm like, not good at living.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
