it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
