I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
