I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
either way he was missing a nipple.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
