using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
