im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
