i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
she peed on how many people?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
