He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
