so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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