Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
