it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
