just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
