the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
