Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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