Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
