I must be too annoying 4 u.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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