Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
