Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
