He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
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Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
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Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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