dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
