two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
