I faked an abortion last night.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
