I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Randomize
