She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
