If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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