The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
