There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
