another moral hangover. fuck.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
