I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
