i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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