The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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