Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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