Plan B is the new Plan A
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
