This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
