My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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