I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Send help, water and tortillas.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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