if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
