So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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