I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
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