A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
