shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
