none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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