So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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