is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
