areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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