no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
