I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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