I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
that is very illegal...i love you.
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