at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
