you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
