I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
