I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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