brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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