dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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