I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
love makes seman taste better
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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