he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
