Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
