It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
this is an emotional support booty call
Randomize
