I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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