Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
