She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
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