I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
