She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
BRING THE BAGELS
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
