I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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