Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
