JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
