don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
