Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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