Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
